So recently a lovely Channel 7 reporter called Chantelle Toohey asked if she could interview me for a segment she was putting together for Today Tonight on beautiful Perth houses. Yes, I am going to be on TV! I know. I definitely had my freakout moment already. You know how last week I was talking about things that come your way when you start blogging? Well I would never have thought I would be on a current affairs program because of it.
The segment airs at 6.30pm on Monday, on Today Tonight on Channel 7. My mum has already called three quarters of her friends, with her usual German efficiency.
I have a tendency to watch videos of myself while peering through my fingers, the same way I do when someone forces me to watch a horror movie. I have always greatly disliked watching myself on any kind of video. I always think, why does my mouth move so funny? Why do I sound like a man?
When I told Mr Nerd I was going to be on Today Tonight, I said I would probably just be in it for a twenty second grab, but it would be really cool for House Nerd.
He started smiling. “YOU’RE going to be on TV?” he said.
He started laughing so hard he started coughing a bit. Served him right.
It did not put me in a good mood.
“SHUT UP!” I shouted. Nala growled at Mr Nerd warningly from my heels. Oh, my sweet dog. She picks up on my every mood. She is like a loyal sidekick who growls, grins or whimpers consolingly to everything I say, depending on whether I am angry, happy or sad. She gives everything I say a bit of ‘oomph’. And if Mr Nerd even annoys me in the slightest, she is onto it.
“So when is the Today Tonight thing going to air?” Mr Nerd asked me this morning.
“Monday night,” I said.
Mr Nerd looked so gleeful I was surprised he didn’t start rubbing his hands together.
“Aaaaaaahhhhh. Oh man. I gotta tape this.” His smile looked like it was going to split his annoying face in half. “This is worth buying a video recorder for.”
“Nala! He’s irritating me,” I said, pointing at my husband and Nala went ‘grrrrrr’ crossly and nipped at his kneecap. Mr Nerd yelped.
I’m not being mean. Those of you who know Mr Nerd, or know of him by now, will know that this is not “husband proud of his wife” behavior. He is not happy because his wife is going to be on TV because of her hours and hours of hard work on her blog. He is happy because he knows that my short stint on TV will possibly give him hours of teasing material. I already know that he will commit to memory exactly what I say and joyfully quote me in a funny voice at dinner parties for years to come.
He starts mumbling things happily under his breath, like this being worth the expense of a VCR because this video will give him years of laughs, and maybe he might invite the boys round for a beer on Monday night. Later I find he has updated his Facebook status to read something like. “Get ready to have a beer and watch Today Tonight on Monday starring Maya... anyone who’s had a bad Monday and knows Maya should be ready by 6.30.” Then he tells an excited overseas friend who wants to see a tape that there will be copies for sale ten minutes after the show.
The only downside was, on the second shooting day, I was all stuffed up with a head cold, so I sounded even more stuffy than usual, looked like arse, and had woken up that morning with a pimple on my chin the size of an as-yet-undiscovered yet sizeable planet. Home afterwards, Mr Nerd, Nala and I sat on the couch.
“So that’s the end of the Today Tonight filming?” Mr Nerd asked me.
“Yep,” I said. Mr Nerd started smirking to himself. I ignored him.
“Tomorrow, I am staying at home all day and getting rid of this cold,” I announced. “I am wiped.” Nala cooed sympathetically.
“I can’t believe I had to get a pimple TODAY, of all days,” I sighed to Mr Nerd, in the gently probing way you do when you are fishing for a compliment, hoping he would say something kind.
“What pim - argh. Jesus, yes. That won’t go unnoticed.”
I glared at him.
Mr Nerd looked cheerfully at the new ginormous flat screen TV he’d bought recently. I had protested against it, because our old TV was just fine, and the new TV takes up half our living room wall. “Yep,” he said with relish, looking at me again, then back to his ginormous TV. “That pimple will look like... a basketball.”
Nala looked reproachfully at Mr Nerd. “Well, I covered it up with makeup for the interview this morning,” I went on pointedly, giving him a chance to redeem himself.
He shook his head sadly. “The camera amplifies everything by five times.”
He nodded. “Yeah, the camera adds five pounds, it makes everything look five times bigger, so….”
“Go away!” I snarled at him as Nala flew at him in a fury.
"I'm KIDDING!" he screamed amidst a flurry of white fur and snapping teeth. "You can't even notice it. Really - ooh! OW!! NALA!"
Anyway, nerds, you can tune in to see me, my pimple and some beautiful houses on Today Tonight at 6.30pm, Monday June 23rd on Channel 7. Maya x