So guess what guys… our team of three is becoming four. Mr Nerd and I are having a baby. And yup, it still sounds crazy! But we are very happy.
I am coming up to 14 weeks pregnant, with our baby due around June 4th. We found out when I was about five weeks along. And ever since then I have been trying SO hard not to spill the beans on here or on Facebook or Instagram. As my friends will resignedly tell you, I have only successfully kept maybe three secrets in my entire life. But I know some of my sly foxy readers actually already guessed!
I know you’re not ‘supposed’ to tell people before 12 weeks, but I kind of had to. Firstly I started to get really sick. I wish I could tell you I’ve had a lovely serene pregnancy so far and show you a photo of me glowing like a unicorn, but it hasn’t quite been the case. On the worst days I throw up throughout the day and night and while I sometimes have good moments, generally I have felt so yucky and nauseous it has affected my day-to-day life, work and social life. It was getting way too hard not to give people a reason why I didn’t feel well enough to meet them for dinner or coffee/attend their launch/etc! (Oh, and if I was talking to you at a launch or an event in the beginning, and then suddenly turned silent and green and wandered off, I apologise – but now you know why!)
Secondly – I got a bit of, uh, pregnancy stigmata. One Sunday night two weeks ago, I basically vomited so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. Totally harmless, totally painless but SO gruesome-looking! So when people see you and gasp, “WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?!” you kind of have to tell them. The other week at a routine doctor’s appointment, my doctor told me I have hyperemesis gravidarum. I had NO idea what HG even was before I got pregnant. Hyperemesis is basically the crappiest kind of morning sickness with nausea and vomiting throughout the day and night, pretty much every day (I have vomited seven times alone just writing this post, but don’t you worry, I shall tell you allll about it in another post!) and apparently HG affects between 0.5 to 3 percent of pregnant ladies. “That’s what Kate Middleton had,” one of my friends said to me, although with Kate actually winding up in hospital for dehydration she definitely had it waaay worse than me!
Being sick has been the only dampener, though. Aside from that we are thrilled – and our families just as much. For my parents, it will be their first grandchild; for my sisters, their first niece or nephew, for Mr Nerd’s sister, her first niece. The only one not so thrilled is Nala, who has cottoned on she will have a rival and says we have betrayed her.
I initially had some hesitations about having a baby at this very point in our lives. My hesitations centred around how having a baby would affect my time and energy to work, which I have gotten to a really good spot now. It is a bit of a hard thing for women isn’t it? You put in such a lot of effort and time studying and/or getting your career to a good point, but then if you plan on having kids you also have to think about getting older, or whether you could possibly have fertility problems that you may not yet be aware of and which could complicate things if you leave it too late. To be honest, I have never been a “ooh, babies!” person (more “ooh, A PUPPEH!”) and I was not 100 percent sure if I was ready. But then often I think – and this is not just in relation to having a baby - when do you ever really feel 100% ready for ANY major life change? I don’t know if you ever are. I guess Mr Nerd and I both kind of just took the plunge. But the very moment the test read positive, it just felt right. It feels like it is the right timing for us.
I had the first 12-week scan two Thursdays ago. Mr Nerd couldn’t be there as he was away on a work trip, so Mum came with me instead, and I texted Mr Nerd right after and sent him photos and a video and that was really nice, still being able to share the moment, despite being thousands of kilometres apart.
The baby reminded me of one of the boxers on Wii Sports, all overinflated head and flailing fists and richocheting about the TV screen and when I saw it I thought wryly, “So that is where all my energy has gone.” To my relief all was well with the results and then we announced it on Facebook. I was hoping to tell all my closest friends in person or through email first, but car travel, the scents of cooking food and even typing have not been my favourite things lately! It was nice to share the news on Facebook anyway.
Oh and a lot of people have asked if we are going to find out what we are having. Hell yes! I am the impatient type. I cannot wait. Mr Nerd told me about a friend of his at work who had a gender reveal party, which I had never heard of before and I was like, “WE HAVE TO DO IT.”
It was strange telling people I was pregnant. First of course was Mr Nerd. I must admit he actually knew I was pregnant well before I did. As soon as we got back from our trip to Italy he kept saying it.
“I think you’re pregnant. Your boobs are bigger and you’re extra-extra-grumpy,” he told me charmingly.
“Yeah well, my boobs are bigger because they always get a bit bigger before my period, and I’m depressed because our holiday is over,” I snapped at him. “And I hate life.”
“Whatever,” he shrugged with an annoying, knowing little smirk as I tried not to hit him. “Just go do a pregnancy test so we can all admit I’m right… as always.”
I was determined to prove him wrong. So I put off doing a pregnancy test for as long as possible (duh, totally logical). I can’t be pregnant, I thought. It takes months and months and months! (Clearly I didn’t pay much attention in sex ed). But in hindsight, I did feel a bit weird. Much more tired than usual and well, yes, perhaps just a touch more grumpy. Not that I would ever admit that to Mr Nerd, I thought to myself darkly one night as I screamed at him for leaving a sock on the floor. I put it down to post-holiday depression. One of my best friends always gets post-holiday depression.
Then one Sunday I was helping a friend with some stuff and wondering why the hell I was so tired I felt like I could nap, and then I wondered vaguely what the date was. Ohhh. Maybe I’ll do a test when I get home, just in case. No edgy waiting period, two pink lines instantly appeared on the stick. I was gobsmacked.
Telling Mr Nerd
“Well?” said Mr Nerd with a smirk when I went to him. “Are you pregnant? Go look at your little stick and come back and tell me.”
I was in shock and couldn’t say anything at first. “I don’t need to go look at it again,” I said. “I’m pregnant.” I felt a sudden happy warmth.
“Really?” said Mr Nerd.
Slowly, a happy, big – and smug - smile grew on his face. “I told you so.”
“What? ‘I told you so’?! Why aren’t you more surprised? I’M SURPRISED.”
“Yeah well, I knew.”
“My boys don’t miss.”
What a charming anecdote to share with our future spawn.
Then he said “let me see this pregnancy test” and I showed it to him.
“It’s just a strip of paper!” he said.
“Yeah,” I said. “What’s wrong with it? I got the 3 in 1 box.”
“Did you buy the cheapest pregnancy test in the store?”
“Well yeah. They all work the same.”
Then he said I was the biggest cheapskate in the world (something he always says) and told me to go the shop and buy a “real pregnancy test” not a Made in Taiwan one.
“I’m taking your wallet then,” I said snootily and I also stocked up on icecream, spare dishwashing detergent, Lindt chocolates, Nivea, shampoo, eye makeup remover and all the other things I like to buy when I have Mr Nerd’s wallet. And I bought a plastic, official-looking pregnancy test and duh it was the same result.
I am pretty sure that when you tell your partner you are pregnant, you are meant to hold hands and jump up and down on the spot in excitement. Also in movies, in this scenario the girl should be wearing a pastel pink cardigan and the boy should be wearing a blue one. Clearly Mr Nerd missed the memo. But he does make me laugh.
Telling Our Parents
The next day Mr Nerd brought up telling our parents. My parents are now really good friends with Mr Nerd’s and coincidentally, we were meeting them for lunch at Lenny the Ox. Minus my mum. She was off gallivanting around Italy with her best friend on a last-minute girls holiday. My two sisters, Natasha and Simone, were also away – they had been away from home for months working on a Disney cruise ship. “Are you sure you want to tell our parents now?” I said to Mr Nerd.
“Yeah, sure why not. They’ll be stoked.”
I was not hugely thrilled at the idea of telling our parents. The thought made me feel vaguely embarrassed. “Let’s wait a while before we tell them,” I said evasively.
I rolled my eyes at him. Sometimes he just does not THINK about things. “Becausssse,” I hissed, “if we tell our parents I’m pregnant then they’ll KNOW we’re having sex.”
“Mmm,” said Mr Nerd wryly. “You know, it’s funny, but I think they already know that.”
“Nope, nope. They know NOTHING.”
“I would go so far to say they even knew this since we were dating.”
“Not at all. Shut up.”
“Stop being a big punani. Tell your dad.”
Telling My Dad
We went to pick up my dad for lunch. Some people have told me my dad reminds them of the Godfather, and also of Mufasa from The Lion King. He was standing outside his office, smoking a cigar and complaining about something, I think it was how the office next door full of young recruitment people all wore jeans on casual Friday how dare they were jeans to work or something like that. I am giving Mr Nerd pointed looks and he is avoiding my eye.
Me to Mr Nerd: “Tell him.”
Mr Nerd: “No, you tell him.”
Me: “You tell him.”
Mr Nerd: “No.”
It is like pulling a band-aid off, you just have to do it quickly. My dad is looking at us uninterestedly.
Me: “So guess what. I’m pregnant.”
Dad: “Ah.” *puffs on his cigar*
Me: “Just ‘ah?’ Well? Are you happy?”
Then after shaking Mr Nerd’s hand in a manly fashion and giving me a hug, they started making jokes together about how when all go on a holiday together early next year I won’t be able to fit in my plane seat, I will sink in the hotel pool, har har har, etc etc.
My in-laws didn’t make any pool-sinking jokes. They were very happy and Mr Nerd’s sister just about cried.
Then a couple of weeks later MY sisters and my mum arrived back from their trips and it was time to tell them. They are all big baby lovers. My sisters have been begging Mr Nerd and I to breed since pretty much our second date. One night around Christmastime, Simone drank too much champagne and obviously felt it was time for a confessional. “The other night, Natasha and I came up with a plan to replace your birth control pills with teeny-tiny little mini M&Ms,” she confided in me. So I knew they would be excited.
Telling My Mum and Sister #1 - Simone
At lunch at Blend. Mum has just finished talking about her recent girls’ holiday to Italy.
Mum: “Fettucine Venice pizza tomatoes Pavarotti grazi Cinque Terre Vespa Vespa.”
She finishes her story.
Me: “So guess what? I am pregnant.”
Mum apparently has not finished: “Bocconcini da Vinci gondola Vatican – what? You are PREGNANT?”
Mum starts smiling and stroking my left arm slowly, like a kitten. It’s really weird.
Simone, sitting on my other side, punches me really hard on the right arm with her karate-honed steel knuckles: “Shut the fuck up.”
Me: “Owww. Mum. She punched me.”
Simone: “You better not be fucking kidding me right now. Is this one of your jokes that’s not funny?”
Me: “I’m not kidding.”
Simone: “Oh my god oh my god oh my god!!! FINALLY! That’s awesome!!”
Mum is still stroking my arm.
Simone: *on phone ordering World’s Best Aunty T-shirt on eBay* “I’m sorry I punched you.”
Sister #2 – Natasha
Natasha is exercising in the backyard when Mum, Simone and I get back to the house. Natasha doesn’t really like extreme physical exertion. She has two beads of sweat on her forehead, which for her happens extremely rarely, and thus she is extremely grumpy.
Me: “Oh hi!”
Natasha: “What do you want. I'm working out.”
Me: “I thought working out produced endorphins?”
Natasha: *snappy* “WHAT?”
Simone: “Come up here for a second.”
Natasha: “No. What do you want.”
Mum: “Come up here. It will take two seconds.”
Natasha: “I’m fucking working out!”
I swear to God, just five months spent working on a cruise ship and my sisters are swearing like real sailors.
Mum: “Just for a second.”
Natasha: huffs and puffs up the veranda steps. “OK what do you want? Why are you all happy?”
Me: “I’m pregnant.”
Natasha: “Noo. Really? Not kidding?”
Me: “No kidding.”
Natasha: “OH MY GOD! FINALLY.” She and Simone double high five: “We can get our T-shirts!”
So clearly I haven’t done this before… feel free to give me any advice mamas or pregnant ladies! Or would love to hear how you told people. Maya x